Break ups are hard, or so I hear (lol @ boys right). They are devastating; its like having your heart ripped from your chest. Whether he cheated on you or you just both went your separate ways, it’s hard. But usually after 3 bottles of wine, 5 pints of ice cream, and maybe a “Before He Cheats” episode on his car, you feel better. Maybe the most important component to this is you have your best friend who you can go to for help. Maybe she’s your shoulder to cry on, or, if you’re like me, you offer to go kick his a$$. Either way, she is your main support system, not only for this, but for most milestones and hardships in your life. So what happens if she’s gone?
Ladies and Gentlemen: this is truly the hardest break up of all time, the friend break up. The emotional, mental, and physical strain is incredible. Now this (unfortunately) I have a little more experience with. But, the good news is, most of the time these can be prevented. Easier said than done, possibly, but before the unfortunate break up, try this.
Address the Problem: First, you have to figure out what’s wrong. And I’m not talking about addressing the problem with her; you have to address and accept the problem with yourself. Denial is a disease. You can sit in your room and pretend like everything is okay, but the minute you see her in public you completely lose it (trust me). Know that it’s okay to not be okay. If things were fine and dandy all the time, your friendship is probably missing the love anyways. Once you understand that something needs to be done, move to the next step.
TALK: TALK. TALK. TALK. I cannot say this enough, for heaven’s sake TALK. Face-to-face. Not a text where you hide behind your screen and pretend like you are handling this excellently when in reality tears are streaming down your face. We live in a world where too many people say “if you have a problem with me, just tell me”, but they don’t mean it. Mean it; be intentional. This is the most important thing to do, and you know what, there might be crying and yelling, but more often than not, the love prevails and it ends with hugging.
Resolve: Here’s where it gets tricky. Nine times out of ten, some solution can be reached, even if it’s just an acknowledgement of differences. But what if your situation is that one time out of ten? Well unfortunately sometimes things come to an end, and we circle back around to wine and ice cream. But at the end of the day, you know you tried. Some things aren’t meant to be.
My best friend and my friendship was saved, because this process was followed. Here’s a little bit of proof of concept. Before I addressed the problem, I was in emotional hell. I cried until literally no tears were left, I drove aimlessly with no destination because I didn’t know what else to do with myself, I lost 12 pounds because I didn’t even want to leave my bed to go downstairs to get food; I was a mess. I was at a point where all aspects of my life were soooooo unbelievably unhealthy. And because I was a miserable hermit, I pushed my best friend away even more. Now, we’re better than ever. I love her to death (always did), always in all ways.
Now, I know this isn’t groundbreaking stuff. Most people think it’s common sense, as it should be. But it’s so much easier to think it’ll all just go away, so we brush things under the rug and they become unbearable. As a person who’s lived it, it doesn’t just blow over. Your friendship is worth fighting for.
Fight for it.
Until next time